get outta my town

I can't believe her, it's like she thrives on emotionally torturing me.

Ian sits there after hanging up the phone, his earlier episode of pie-induced happiness washed away from his being. Paz and Ingrid stare at him, in that really uncomfortable way that says "Man I guess we should say something but what do we say and how do we say it correctly and not make him cry" kind of way. Ian looks like a sea wall that was hastily constructed and has just been told that a big ass hurricane from off the cost of Jamaica is headed right for him. Paz elbows Ingrid and gives her the Hey, you're totally the sensitive and tactful one- you do it! kind of glance.

"Ian? What's up? What did Tev have to say?"

"Well," he sighs. "Let's see, here. Tev was in my bed and he just got woken up by a very annoyed Amy-"

"What the hell was she doing there???" Paz blurts.

"I don't know, Paz! Seeing as how she seems to be the Queen of Tact lately, who would've guessed!!? I mean, she keeps coming into our old place to get her mail and I dunno, I guess to scoff at me in my bachelor hell or whatever."

"I thought you told her the last time that you didn't want her in your place anymore! Seriously, after what she did! I mean, come on. Urrrgh!" Ingrid flops back in her chair.

"Yea well, maybe if Amy actually had a soul or anything, things would be different."

"Wait wait wait- She woke up Tevon? What's he doing sleeping in your place?" Paz says.

"He got kicked out of the house again. So I'm letting him crash in our old bed. It's not like I want to sleep in it anymore, anyways."

He sits back and begin to half-heartedly sip his coffee, which is now unappetizingly cold. Paz takes out a pen and begins doodling on her napkin while Ingrid gets up out of her seat.

"Well, this is total suck. I'm going to the bathroom," she leaves sighing.

Paz looks up from her sketching and grabs Ian's hand.

"You know Ian, nothing really cures heartbreak like some sweet couture revenge." Paz smiles impishly.

"What do you mean?" Ian stares her incredulously.

"Well. I seem to remember the last time I was forced to hang out with your crazy ex that she wouldn't shut up about this warehouse party her work was being shown in tonight."

"Yeah. Why the hell do I care?"

"Because, idiot. We could go to said party and you and Ingrid could, well, act as a new hot item just to get her back."

"That's ridiculous, Paz. Man, you call yourself a Buddhist and you're into ill shit like that?"

"Oh come on, this is SO karma and you know it. Look, I'm sure Ingrid won't mind," Paz shoots him a saucy look, "and you KNOW it will totally drive Amy nuts. Besides, Morrissey would totally approve."

"I don't think so," Ian tries to avert his eyes from her.

"Oh, please. You know the whole deal with her! She thinks she still owns you like some sick little puppy-dog, she always has! So, I think it is the perfectly wonderful and Karmic thing to do to show her that you're completely over her triflin' ass."

"Maybe. I dunno."

Paz smiles, "Yesssss! You know you're so in on it. I am so good at this sort of thing, it's like I should charge or something."

"Um, right. Hey Paz- one thing.."

"What?"

"Since when have you said "triflin'"??" Ian stares at her with mock curiousity.

"Oh sod off. So, are we in or out??"

Ingrid return from the bathroom and sits down. "In on what?"

*********************

The three of them are walking down the bumpy cobblestone streets. Well, it's more like Ian and Paz are walking together while Ingrid is angrily tromping ahead of them. Ian and Paz give each other guilty looks as the try to keep up pace with her (but everyone knows that a truly pissed-off woman gains about ten velocity points over those who irked her).

Oh, Grrrrrrr. I can't believe this shit. Yeah, real nice. I go to the bathroom for five minutes and they wanna whore me out like some mail-order geisha. I can understand Paz thinking something like that up, because, well, she's pretty wicked on the inside. But Ian? He's never like that, at least not to me. Jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks...

Ian ups his pace and touches her shoulder. "Look, Ingrid, I'm sorry. It was a really stupid idea and Paz and I are megaJerks."

Ingrid turns on her heel and stops dead in her tracks, staring him down. Ian nearly bumps into her as he stops inches from her face. "I never would of expected this from you. That's not who I thought you are." Ingrid stands there waiting for his answer.

"Oh come on, Ingrid. It was my plan so be mad at me. But if you think you have any right to be mad at me, then you should have your head checked, because you know that I have good plans. Not to mention, I'm not saying you have to make out with him or anything! It's just like pretending to get back at her-" Paz says.

"I don't want to "get back at her," ok? Well, maybe I do a little, but it's just not right I mean. And it's Ian and I and, "she looks back at Ian, "Can you honestly say that you can pretend to be attracted to me???"

Ha! He's been doing more than pretend for the whole afternoon. Grrrr. Stupid friends.

Ian blushes and looks away, staring at his Converse-wrapped feet and the smooth round rocks in the street. "Yeah, I guess," Ingrid looks slightly irritated at this and he catches himself, "of course, Ingrid. You're super hot and a wonderful all around lady." What? I totally just sounded like I'm at some retirement community. Lady?? What? Idiot.

Ingrid stares at him a moment and then turns on her heel again and continues to walk towards the Pier. Paz and Ian spring back into action, chasing her coattails again. Paz smacks Ian on the arm and gives him the "Why you so stupid??" face. He shrugs and walks faster, finally coming neck-and-neck with her. "Come on, Ingrid. Stop, wait a second. I said I'm sorry, I was just explaining."

Paz stops. "Look, you two can keep fighting about this. I'm going to Soundgarden to chill out for a while. Once you get over this nonsense, come and find me." She turns and starts to walk away.

Ingrid and Ian both stop walking and turn to each other, annoyed. They see Paz get swallowed up by the night as she walks away and disappears into the crowd. Ian grabs Ingrid and pulls her close to him.

"Look, Ingrid. You're one of my best friends and I don't want you to be angry. Please, everything just sucks so much right now and you're mad at me now and that sucks even more so please just forgive me?"

She sighs and settles into the hug. "I do, I do, it's ok." He's warm and he smells like the all around comfort that is Ian to her. She pulls away and starts to walk back down the Pier.


***********************************

He's the guy that's always at everyone's party, you know him. The one who you talk to a random acquaintance about and your conversation might go something like this:

So, what did you do the other night?

I was at this awesome Rave on Saturday night.

Really, sweet. Was anyone cool there?

Oh man the place was packed. My friend Tevon was there, he's cool.

No shit! I hung out with Tevon on Saturday?! Are you sure it was THIS Saturday.

Yeah man. But hey, that's Tevon for you. The guy is like everywhere.

Tevon loves being that guy. He lives for the fact that he is Mr. Social Calendar. He's pretty much always on his cell phone, arranging this or that event or calling up any of a number of happy swingin' gals (and sometimes guys) that he might have a hankering to spend some less formal time with. He also likes being the guy that everyone thinks has drugs on him at all times (even though he really isn't a dealer... most of the time). Tevon lives and breathes for messages on his cell phone and at home on his answering machine and emails in his account and IMs on his computer. There's definitely one Tevon that loves being that guy.

The only person who really ever sees the other Tevon is Ian. They keep their little guise of getting wasted and watching cheap skin flicks, but there, nestled under what they tell their friends about, is the real Tevon. The Tevon who tells Ian about how tired he is of running around clubs, trying to find the love of his life only to stumble into countless wrongs under the sheets. The Tevon who feels himself getting too old to be out until 4am on a weekday and dreams of having someone to snuggle with and read books next to until they fall asleep by ten. The Tevon who is tired of random contractual IT work. The Tevon who wants to be a professor who struggles to get by on meager pay but can sleep at night with the satisfaction that comes from being respected and giving.

It is this Tevon that, all kidding aside, really wants to kick Amy's ass. Because Ian had a chance for all of those dreams that he values and she destroyed it. Because, no matter how much Tevon got annoyed at her holier-than-thou vegetarian bullshit and vapid love of fashion and elitisim, he saw Ian and he saw Amy and he thought that she might be the thing that makes Ian smile at night and fall asleep by ten. Ian had always been Tevon's best friend and damnit if he didn't deserve that. Plus, if it could happen for Ian, it could happen for him. Amy destroyed all of that because she was a weakling and a cheat and a liar and a plastic and that's what really makes him mad.

It's making him fume now as he's driving to pick up Ian and Paz and Ingrid for the party. He doesn't want to say anything to Ian again, he's heard enough. But he does want to see Amy suffer. Paz is always talking her head off about karma. Well, there ought to be some for a girl like that. The kind of girl that murders souls and does it with an air of entitlement. People like that deserve to hurt inside. Or maybe just get a punch bowl overturned on their head. Tevon laugh out loud at this. Man, whatever.

Tonight'll be something. He's gonna go out and have fun and I'm gonna make sure Amy's there to see it.

Tevon turns onto Broadway and his newfound excitement makes him roll down his windows and crank up his tunes...

Breathe the pressure. Come play my game, I'll test ya.

********************************

posted by the ineffable b @ 4:41 AM